


He's Making a List, He's Checking It Twice!

by zabiume



Category: Bleach
Genre: Awkward Tension, Christmas Fluff, Gen, Gift Giving, Humor, Post-Thousand Year Blood War Arc, but of the platonic kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27897805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zabiume/pseuds/zabiume
Summary: For the first time in decades, Kuchiki Byakuya is stumped. The problem? He has to buy his impulsively loudmouthed, graciously dimwitted, exceedingly loyal adjutant... a Christmas present.
Relationships: Abarai Renji & Kuchiki Byakuya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	He's Making a List, He's Checking It Twice!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [polynya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polynya/gifts).



> This is set Post-TYBW, but pre-RenRuki being married (I do not abide by WDKALY timelines here, I think). Also, I know nothing about plants, so uh, dubious botany warnings. 
> 
> I hope you liked this, **polynya!**

It was perhaps his general discomfort with the holiday season, or with any Living World custom that made waves in Seireitei for that matter, that had Kuchiki Byakuya mildly uncomfortable -- bordering on perturbed -- one late December night. He found work meetings in general to be rather incommodious, rife with matters that were either frivolous or could have simply _been a memo._ Sometimes both.

But work meetings that were not work meetings at all...Byakuya had a certain bone to pick with those. Friday evenings were dedicated for an early night in with his sister, an intimate but distant enough activity he had rather come to enjoy. Fate so happened however, that the esteemed Captain of the Sixth and the newly appointed Acting Captain of the Thirteenth were now trudging back home, calves-deep in snow.

All because of the upcoming Captain-Lieutenant Gift Exchange. Byakuya would have liked to file an objection with whoever had come up with such a daft idea, but it had seemed that most Captains seemed utterly delighted at the mandate that they would have to give their respective lieutenants ‘Christmas presents’ this year.

Byakuya pictured himself buying Abarai Renji virtually anything, and it made him shrivel in abject horror. Was it not enough that he sparred with the man once in two weeks and rated his performance as _‘passable’?_ Was he absolutely required to submit himself to the mortifying ordeal of _gift-giving?_

He was.

 _“I mean, if you’re that opposed to it, Kuchiki,”_ newly-instated Captain-Commander Kyoraku had said, chidingly, _“I’m sure you and your squad could always pick up extra recons with the Eleventh.”_

Byakuya had _shuddered_. If there was anything that made him lose sleep more than the prospect of being vulnerable, it was the prospect of having to collaborate with the Eleventh over something.

He frowned at the thought. He had yet to raise his voice in complaint with Rukia, but he could tell from the way her eyes were glimmering with mild curiosity that she suspected he was not...too pleased with the latest developments.

"If you wish to ask me a question, you may," Byakuya pointed out, a bit petulantly.

Rukia's eyes widened, and if it hadn't been for her eternal struggle to keep up with his long strides, he was sure she would have stopped dead in her tracks. She cocked her head to one side to regard Byakuya, then said slowly, "I don't think it's such a bad idea for the Gotei to be a little more...involved with each other. With the war and everything.”

Byakuya was scandalized at this. His sister? Defending champion, only second to himself, in bricking herself off? Wanting activities that merited more _involvement_ of the social kind?

Suddenly, he registered with a belated clarity that her tone had been slightly watery. Memories of death, the very brink of it that had threatened several of Rukia’s cherished ones.The actual death that had plagued her in grief so insurmountable she had taken to long evening strolls with his lieutenant, and avoidant hours of paperwork late into the night. _Of course._

He arched a brow. “I find it untimely that the new Captain-Commander suggests such a frivolous activity at a time like this,” he said carefully, “Especially considering your workload is already quite full without the consideration of ice-breakers.”

Rukia shrugged, though there was a slight icy sliver passing through her eyes at his comment, not unnoticed by either of them. If there was anything Kuchiki Rukia detested, it was her skills and abilities being undermined. Even if it was out of concern.

She shook her head nonetheless as they rounded a corner. “I don’t have a lieutenant yet, technically, since I’m still just Acting Captain,” she said distantly, “so this doesn’t bother me either way.”

He found that to be a relief.

Rukia’s eyes, however, regarded him with tantamount amusement. “You have to get Renji something, though,” she said, seeming highly entertained by the notion. “Decided on what to get him yet?”

Scratch that. Byakuya decided a headache was coming on.

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

On the lieutenants’ side, things were more or less the same -- for the most part.

“If the Captain gets me something, I might actually die,” Kira said flatly, then carried on quickly, “Again.”

Everyone pointedly avoided looking at the Hole, shifting and fidgeting to create space between themselves and Kira’s rather morbid attire.

“You guys are such buzzkills,” Rangiku said airily, taking a light sip of her beer before clonking it down. “It’s Christ- _mas_ , what’s wrong with a little gift-giving?”

“Oh, hush, Rangiku,” Hinamori said, mimicking her. “You have it easy. Shiro-chan will probably get you vouchers for those stores you like and call it a day.”

“Or maybe even a gallon of booze,” Kira muttered under his breath.

“Ah!” Rangiku lounged in her seat, awfully cat-like as she rested an arm on Hisagi’s thick shoulder. “He knows me so well!”

“I think Captain Kensei’s gonna get me a motorbike,” Hisagi bragged hopefully, bouncing his muscle so Rangiku’s elbow bobbed up and down with it.

“You think or you wish?” Renji asked skeptically, as Hinamori nodded in agreement beside him.

“Does he know you’re calling him Captain Kensei?” Kira added, raising his brows. Hisagi was undeterred in his excitement, however. It was only in his wildest dreams that he had ever imagined his ~~father fi~~ \-- _respected idol_ to have to be put in this situation and he was unapologetic about it.

Before the conversation could carry on, however, Hinamori prodded Renji in his side with an elbow. “Abarai’s been awfully quiet,” she suggested curiously.

Renji’s ears burned as everyone suddenly turned their gaze on him.

“Oh, poor _Abarai_ ,” Rangiku wailed, and he wondered just how many beers had been passed around for her to get to this state of Extreme Concern. “At this point the most you can expect is like, a greeting card.”

“Or cash,” Hisagi added, then paused, “Though a bonus doesn’t sound too bad, does it?”

Kira and Rangiku nodded along. Kira turned to Renji with a contemplative frown, “He _is_ of nobility, though, so it’s very likely you might get a bottle of expensive, vintage alcohol worth your entire life savings,” he mused. “It’s a very uninvolved and easy gift. Nobles do that all the time for house-warmings and baby showers and such.”

Noticing Renji’s growing discontent, however, Hinamori added kindly, “It’s okay, Abarai. My Captain’s probably going to get something weird for me, too. At least yours won’t be insanely personal to the point of uncomfortable.”

Renji shook his head. “It’s not that,” he grumbled, crossing his arms. “The Cap’n’s very particular about giving out things. Things like paperwork, and extra drills and sparring _are_ his rewards for good work.”

Kuchiki Byakuya did not hand out advice generously. And Renji quite liked having to earn his rewards through hard work. They had a system. It worked. It seemed like a horrible idea to have his Captain do the mental gymnastics to buy him a present.

Not to mention totally awkward.

He noticed everyone was giving him a weird look. “What?”

“I’m just glad we don’t have to get them shit,” Rangiku said, after a long pause where everyone had seemingly decided not to bother with Renji anymore. “Paycheck’s coming in a little low this year and the Captain is already so hard to shop for!”

The conversation moved on seamlessly, but Renji was still stuck on the one little detail.

It was going to be _so_ awkward.

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

“He’s _your_ lieutenant, Kuchiki,” Hitsugaya grumbled, arms crossed as they stood by each other after a particularly long Captain’s meeting. “Don’t you know him at all?”

He did. Abarai Renji was a strange man, one who valued hard work and self-improvement almost as much as he did. His respect for regimen, for order and learning was – it was zealous, to say the least.

He could give the man twenty hours of extra paperwork and only receive minor complaining in return. What could one give to a madman like that?

“What are you giving your adjutant?” Byakuya enquired with a frown. If anyone accused him of floundering, he would have no qualms about firing off his _bankai_ in polite company like the once sullen-tempered youth he had been.

Hitsugaya shrugged. “There’s that Living World boutique by District 21 that she likes,” he explained solemnly. “I am well acquainted with the owner, it should be no big deal to secure a voucher or too.” He tucked his arms behind his back and nodded at Byakuya with a cool seriousness in his eyes. “It will be alright. Abarai is not a particular man; I’m sure you’ll find something to his tastes.”

Somehow, Byakuya highly doubted it.

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

Renji slid the door of the Sixth’s office and stepped in, the little ‘swoosh’ of the thin door sounding off behind him.

He immediately froze when he noticed his Captain still sitting at his desk, hunched over something. His eyes drifted to the clock. It was late. Renji had purposefully decided to return when it was. _Why was Byakuya still here?_

Upon closer inspection of the man’s pale hands, he noticed several brightly-colored, flashy pamphlets declaring all sorts of percentages off on…sunglasses, of all things.

Did Rukia put him up to this? Renji decided it would be so her to suggest her brother get him sunglasses in the dead of winter. He flushed. It was another moment before he realized he and Byakuya were staring at each other, like lost sheep in a herd clinging to each other for guidance.

Byakuya cleared his throat. “The Eighth has just signed the demand draft for equipment charges.”

Renji pretended not to notice the winter coat catalogue by his desk as he came up to his own. He nodded, wanting the ground to bury him. “That’s – that’s good, Captain,” he said. “I’ll have our guys secure the payment by Monday.”

There was a moment’s worth of silence. Then, Renji decided he was about done with this whole Captain-Lieutenant Exchange thing. He braced himself, then straightened as he spoke,

“You know, sir, with all due respect, you don’t _have_ to get me anything.” He felt a wave of something as Byakuya arched a brow. “I mean, we already had our hands full with the Quincy War and everythin’ and I just think we should focus on getting the squad back in shape. Patchin’ the holes, fillin’ up expense reports – that sorta thing.” He paused, wondering why barrages of words seemed to flow whenever he was especially nervous. It was not a trait he really liked about himself. Besides, the Captain usually cut him off halfway anyway, so…

_Why wasn’t he saying anything?_

Renji braved a glance at him. “I, uh, I’m not much of a gift guy so it’s – it’s okay.”

Byakuya’s expression gave nothing away about his inner predicament. Renji felt beads of sweat starting to pool down his forehead.

“I see,” he said, finally.

“Yep,” Renji replied, scratching his ear. He lifted the demand draft slip from Byakuya’s table, pretended his long fingers didn’t brush the _‘25% off, at Gin Tonbo only this weekend’_ as he held it up. “Gonna mail this in.”

Byakuya nodded curtly.

As Renji began rushing out of the office again, he felt a swarm of heat fill his face. Would there ever be a confrontation with Kuchiki Byakuya that left him feeling like less of an idiot?

Verdict: unlikely.

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

On Christmas morning, Renji traipsed up to his office with a new vigor. They had just discharged their last officer from General Relief, everyone finally had the required number of limbs to get back in training. The absolute icing on cake had been that he had the afternoon off and Rukia had picked some seedy bar that didn’t give a shit about Christmas but had plenty of beer to go to.

That worked for him. He had had enough with Christmas anyway.

All that was left was for him to inform his Captain he’d be leaving, and then clock out.

When he approached the mouth of their joint offices, however, it was empty.

Byakuya usually didn’t leave any notes to say where he was going, but Renji generally knew where he’d be and for once, he didn’t. When Renji saw a pot, meticulously wrapped with a bow in the distinct Kuchiki cross-knot style, however, his heart leapt to his throat.

He thought…but the discussion they’d had the other day ended all conversation about gift-giving, hadn’t it?

Renji gingerly stepped towards the table, like he was afraid of setting off a tripwire. When he arrived closer to the edge, he noticed that the pot had a spiral of tiny, purple specks straining and rising towards the sun. The plant had barely started flowering, but it was vibrant – distinct enough that the pleasant odour of its bloom pervaded his senses.

To his utter and complete shock, there was a note. Renji used two trembling fingers to peel it off the pot, then glanced around his shoulders once to see if anyone else was in the office.

At the subsequent vacancy, he unfolded the flap of the expensive-smelling card.

_The catmint, as a species, is characterized by its resilience. Strong-willed and remarkably persistent, it can be found braving the harshest winters with an admirable economy. This particular cultivar has been groomed in the Kuchiki Estate. I hope you will find it to your liking._

_-Kuchiki Byakuya_

_28 th Head, House of Kuchiki_

_Captain of the Sixth, Gotei 13_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for dealing with my hopeless attempt at Byakuya-writing and Byakuya's hopeless attempt at gift-giving! I wonder which is worse? Verdict: unknown.
> 
> Happy holidays/Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah/Happy December!!! Stay safe <3


End file.
